Learning to Breathe

I'm having a hard time breathing today. Not like the "oh my goodness it's an asthma attack" sort of non breathing, but just like a "this is a prelude to a panic attack someone is sitting on my chest and I'm having trouble taking a deep breath" can't breathe issue. Not good, particularly considering I'm at work. On the plus side, it hasn't turned into an actual panic attack and I'm not feeling that it will. *Crosses fingers and knocks on wood.*
There are 11 minutes until lunch time so hopefully over lunch I will go sit outside and try and breathe deeply unless the rain starts, in which case I will try and find some hiding place in my office. I'm definitely wondering if I started feeling this way because my boss and three other collegues had a meeting this morning. Two of these collegues and I usually seem to be friends but today things are a little bit strange. The meeting was definitely hush hush so I can't help but over-react and get suspicious, even though I'm almost positive it had nothing to do with me.
Yesterday was a good day. Jill and I went on an adventure after church and then bought books and drank starbucks. Yay. I also watched some football, played wii and had a nap. All good things. Unfortunately Wyatt and I didn't connect on our phone call last night but I'm hoping it happens tonight. I really want to catch up and be part of each others lives again.
Tonight there are no set plans. I think this is a good thing. Maybe I'll watch a movie and make cookies. I wanted to watch coach carter last night and make cookies but by the time I thought about it and got organized I really needed to go to bed.
Now it is 12pm, which means its time for me to turn the phones off, lock the door and venture outside into the cloudy but hopefully rain free wilderness.

Wish me luck with the whole breathing thing. I hear it's kind of important.
MJ

I Can Show You The World

Yes, this post is titled after the theme song from the movie "Aladdin". However tonight it was also the first dance song of my cousin and new cousin at their wedding. The whole wedding day today was just aweome. 2pm ceremony at Calvary and then all the non bridal party family went out to Joey's and had some food and booze and then we went off to the reception for 6. Awesome food, great speeches, everything was just great. It made me want to fall in love that deeply with someone and get married. So Jealous. On that note, another cousin of mine (my oldest first cousin) got engaged on Canada day weekend to his wonderful girlfriend turned Fiancee and they broke the news today too! Wedding bells all around apparently. I'm so happy for them too, they've been dating for almost 3 years and for all intensive purposes Nat is already part of the family but now it'll be official! Congrats Rox and Marshall and now Neil and Nat! Love you all!

We Were Merely Freshmen

Alright, So I guess you could say that I'm jumping on the "lets blog about my life" bandwagon, but I haven't used my livejournal in ages and I do miss writing when I'm not in university *as nerdy as that sounds* so here we go again.
I remember days where I used to stay up till the crack of dawn writing and scribbling until my hand, and more often than not my heart hurt. Lately I guess I've just been channeling that same energy into other things, though if you can figure out what those things are you'd be one up on me.
Its interesting how cyclical life really is. Everything begins and changes but it never really ends, just evolves. Thats a strange concept too.

So after all of that you're sitting there going who exactly is this girl?
Good question.
I am a twenty year old university student finishing up my bachelor of arts this upcoming school year. After that I'm hoping that I begin the path to law school but that road has already had some bumps and bruises. Nothing that hard work couldn't fix though. I think more than anything I'm afraid to go all out and say "YES! I WANT TO BE A LAYWER COME HELL OR HIGH WATER!". I'm afraid to give it my all and really commit and then not be good enough, or talented enough or determined enough to really fallow this through. Sometimes it's easier to just convince yourself that it doesn't really matter one way or another, even when succeeding is all you ever think about.
You know the saying "You can be anything you want to if you just put your mind to it and work hard enough?" Yeah. Okay. If that were true Hillary Clinton would be President. *This would be the spot where I shamelessly plug Barack Obama because I love him even though I'm a Canadian citizen who can't do anything about the outcome of the American election* But seriously. She wanted to be the Democratic Nominee for president more than I'm sure I've ever wanted anythign in my entire life. She worked at it she did everything humanly possible short of rigging the election to win. And she lost. I can't help but wonder if my dreams and goals would be destined for the same fate, so in order to avoid that fate, it's easier to just not try at all, because that way, when you don't succeed you have something or someone to blame. An external unstable attribution instead of an internal stable one. I.e. I didn't study hard enough, I didn't try,etc, etc.

So now you're wondering why such a girl would title her blog "live life, love laugh, when it doesn't seem like there's much laughter or love going on. Well I think I'll just tell you to wait on that one. I might surprise you one day.

MJ