So, apparently I'm still new at this whole blogging thing. Hopefully I get better at it over time. So I'm at a Luke party. Apparently I'm not exactly in the party spirit. Maybe I'll get there too. Kyle Shewfelt competed amazingly today. He was shafted by terrible judging, although that doesn't take away his heart, pride, or humanity. I have the utmost respect for that man.
So what else is new with me?
Well on Thursday I had an amazing night with the Luke. We got all dressed up and went to Joey's. I love feeling all pretty and such. He looked wonderful as always. After an awesome dinner (EAT the CRANBERRY ALMOND SALMON. It's AMAZING!) we went on an awesome walk and watched Dogma. You may think this is a strange movie choice but we've said that we were going to watch it together for the last 3 years and hadn't gotten it done, so another one is finally checked off on the accomplishment category.
So I thought I thought I was getting better with the whole panic attack business but it was a hard struggle for me to get through Thursday. On the way home I called Erin and repeatedly went from feeling like I was going to throw up, feeling fine, and crying all in the span of 5 minutes, and it was a cyclical cycle for at least an hour. I really need to deal with all the drama I've put off. I'm worried about the retreat. I hadn't thought that because of the fact that it takes a boat ride there, it would take a boat ride to get back. Which means if I go into panic mode I'm screwed. Not to mention there is dorm bunking so I'll be in a room with 12 girls. I really don't want them to see me break.
Friday day was fine. Work went well. I went on an hour lunch bike ride all around the trails in birds hill. It hurt! I'm still sore lol. Erin's surprise birthday party went off without a hitch. The drama kind of unfolded after she left, and at this point, I'm not sure I want to fix it, ignore it and pretend it didn't happen or throw a shit fit. I definitely know which one is the most mature option, but it's funny how thats the one I'm the least likely to pursue. Interesting. I really want that feeling back in my life of knowing that I am the absolute in someone's life. I don't think I am anymore. Maybe I never was. I also miss the feeling of knowing that the person who was my absolute gave a shit about me. That'd be a nice one to have back..
Hopefully this all feels better in the morning. Somehow, I doubt it.
Basically, I want to be in love. And I want someone to be in love with me. Last time I checked, those things didn't happen overnight.
Always,
Melliebee.
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